Where's Bob?

What a fascinating tale of a marketing campaign gone horribly wrong. Or right... depending on what you hear or read. Those late night TV ads for the "male enhancement" product Enzyte have been around for awhile. Now, here is the long and short of the story behind greed and Smiling Bob.

Steve Warshak and his mom Harriett were behind our friend Smiling Bob and were ultimately sent to prison for conspiracy to commit mail fraud, bank fraud and money laundering. Harriett got two years while her son was sent up the river for twenty five years. This after thousands of complaints from customers who claimed the penis pill didn't work. (among many other complaints) That is the short of it... no big deal (if you will) as this kind of thing happens all the time, it seems.

But my interest into this was behind finding out just who Smiling Bob is, or as the case may be, was.

The picture above is the famous if not ubiquitous Smiling Bob. Bob, as the well endowed mascot for Enzyte, was apparently played by actor John Larson. So where the hell is he? Was he typecast into oblivion as "Mr. Big", too large for any other work? As it happens in the world of advertising, Bob was merely an actor hired to play his part, cashing his checks as the advertising campaign wore on. But, the founder of Enzyte ran into his legal troubles and John Larson was left... er... hanging, if you will.

Now for the meat of the mystery. It seems that just before Warshak got caught with his hands in the cookie jar, there was talk of a new mascot being sought to replace Bob with the old proverbial "...we're going in a different direction" line. But, before all of that could happen, Bob apparently vanished.

How can you make an iconic figure as Smiling Bob merely go away? Where does one hide such an enormous figure in the world of advertising? Did Bob possess more than what was being let on?

Unverified stories show that actor John Larson has been reported missing or dead since June 12, 2008 apparently the victim of a boating accident off the coast of Martinique in the Carribbean. What we do know is that since that date, no one has heard nor seen Larson aside from this undated photo.



To this date, no one knows anything about the "accident" or just where Larson went. Moreover, there has been no word from any friends or family as to Larson's whereabouts. If he was alive, you would think a guy of his stature would certainly have found work doing something... anything. If he were dead, then you would certainly hear about that mystery somewhere on the air or on the internet. Very little exists in either place and if you paid any attention to the advertising campaign, there has been no new production including Smiling Bob in quite sometime. Even the usual internet conspiracy nuts are strangely silent on this one. Where's Geraldo when you really need him?

Gives one pause to think Smiling Bob was, perhaps, killed off in a more literal way. After all, Warshak had planned on renaming the company and finding a new spokespenis. Now, Warshak and his mom met the hands of justice in prison leaving behind an apparent wake of thousands of under-endowed American men. Not to mention one missing big guy last seen living large in the idyllic scenery off the coast of Martinique.

After the Feds did their duty to the Warshak empire, Enzyte somehow survived and is still going strong, after a new company acquired the brand and enacted a change in operating practices. Bolstered by the immortal image of Smiling Bob still coming through the late night TV airwaves. As for John Larson, we may never know the truth.

As for the complaining customers, remarkably very few of them bothered with getting a refund, settling instead with being born with a ding instead of a dong after the snake oil inventor and his mom went to prison and what may have been TV's greatest pitch man slipped under the waves of the beautiful blue Carribbean.

Stay tuned...

UPDATE: Since this piece continues to get so much traction, I felt it necessary to do some more research. Guess what? Most of what I wrote here (so long ago) is not accurate. Here's why. I hope this clears things up a bit. (Ric)

Sell, sell, sell...

Being in the broadcast industry can be an interesting place to be. We make our living in the commercial world and we are often accused of being "sell-outs". Let's be honest here, I am somewhat of a whore when it comes to what I do for a living. Hey, it pays the bills. Whether I am singing the praises of a phone company, jewelry store, fuel additive, dog food, car dealers, pizza restaurants... the list is endless and I have gladly done them all.

That's what showbiz is all about. Making money anyway you can. Sure, I have my limits and now is not the time to go into all of that, but make no mistake, if the money is there, I'll shill for just about anybody.

One of my favorite TV shows has always been Hogan's Heroes. The Universal HD channel has the show now and on Monday's they run it all day long. It's a trip watching it again after all these years. It's amazing how much of the show I had forgotten over the years. Still though, it is fun to lose yourself in this strange world where just about everybody who was on this show is now dead. Richard Dawson and Robert Clary are still around.

Critics eventually rated the show as one of the 5 worst TV shows of all time. Despite the 3 emmy nominations and the 6 year run it enjoyed on CBS, it never jumped the shark. It remains as one of the most watchable shows on TV today. Kinda sad if you think about it...

...anyway, what does all this have to do with whoring out yourself in show business? Take a look a the video below.



I'm craving Dream Whip now.

Stay Tuned...

Has it been this long...

...since I updated this page? My God, where has the time gone? Well, a little update off the air.

Finally a little time off is in order since Bad Dog is having a hernia surgery. He'll be fine and his doctors suggest he'll be back to his ol' self within a few days. As for yours truly, there are a couple of projects in the works. The usual stuff around the house and the ongoing project with the Model A. I'll get some pics of that beast (when it's a bit more presentable) up here soon enough. Nevertheless, I should hope to use my time somewhat usefully although we all know the best laid plans...etc. Nevertheless, we'll be back on the air Monday. In the meantime, Brother Doug will be your bitch for a couple of days.

I was going to update, nay, jump for joy over the fact that my long personal nightmare with a certain government entity has finally concluded happily, however, I thought it best not to poke the bear with the stick by posting something overly snarky about this group here. Lord knows, I can lose my mind during a rant and find myself on the receiving end of more trouble and we would all be better if that never occurred.

In the meantime, I'll just a drift for a day or so and avoid most media as I try and unwind from the daily grind. I'll post something a little more substantial during the break as I will undoubtedly get into some sort of something. You know me...

Stay tuned.

With Much Deliberation

I thought long and hard about this... Michael Jackson. His death is everywhere and I, at first, refused to include that in here. But just let me say this:

How can a man who paid $20 million to the family of a victim (and presumably the victim himself) to get out of a child molestation civil suit, have a history of said activity be considered some great thing? His fans baffle me.

The Catholic church has endured the same vilification over the centuries without one redeeming quality... at least none I think of. Yet, as Big Rick told me yesterday, if one can sing and dance and sell an ass load of records, that makes him immune to the accusations and his own actions.

I'm not saying MJ should rot in hell, that is for the Almighty to decide, what I am saying is even when your heroes stumble, you need to evaluate why they are your hero and just how far are going to look beyond their faults to continue that hero relationship.

When it was determined Roger Clemens may have been doping in baseball, my heart was broken. I loved watching that guy play ball. But if he truly did dope up and cheat at baseball, I hope they send him out. As for Barry Bonds, we'll get into that when the time is right.

But, back to MJ. the circus has rolled into town and the animals have been turned loose. This thing is going to be a sick moment in Americana and I, for one, am already sick of it... nevertheless, I'll be right in the thick of it as we watch the real weirdness unfold.

Stay tuned...

Yeah, It's Hot

This picture was taken last February. This is my wife Josephine and our two greyhounds Jack and Zoe (from left). Yes, the dogs are wearing coats, long story. Anyway, I thought I would share this little picture while the current temperatures are cresting the triple digit mark in heat index.

If you are getting a little hot outside, think of this simple little serene moment captured earlier this year.

For the record, I was as miserable then as I kinda am right now. I used to love the heat, I grew up in south Texas where winter is February 12th, for about an hour and a half. Unlike here where there are four distinctish seasons. But I have to remember that it "ain't the heat, it's the humidity." How true.

So, for all this talk of global warming or climate change or whatever you want to call it, around here there is at least some change in the weather once we get around the other side of the sun. For the record, the Farmer's Almanac kind of predicted this heat, as you can see here. Most notably, June being 4 degrees above average. If you put your faith into this sort of thing, keep in mind, as of the posting of this, we're supposed to be seeing some scattered storms and what they call "seasonal" weather... whatever that means.

This goes on to say we should expect a normal July and August with June being the only month with a substantial increase in temperature. What does all this really mean?

It's hot as hell outside. Stay in the air conditioning.